The Malfoys: Narcissa
by Normandie M
Summary: A pregnant Narcissa Malfoy reflects on her life with Lucius and wonders about the future. Lots of Angst. R/R


  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter, the Malfoy family and all to do with it belong to JK Rowling (God Bless Her).  
  
A/N: A little POV on Narcissa Malfoy while she's expecting Draco. A brother story to this from Lucius' POV will be up soon. Reviews are very much welcome.  
  
Watching the snow outside, I sit in a chair by the window, familiar tears streaming down my face. The uncomfortablness of my pregnancy causes me to never be still at any time. He is not here at the moment; most likely he's out meeting his Lord, helping him to deal out punishments to those unfaithful. I'm thankful that I have never incurred his wrath. I've seen him do things that most would think unhuman. I do wonder occasionally whether he is human or not.  
  
I've known Lucius for 11 years now, 4 of them married to him. We were schoolmates at Hogwarts together, both in Slytherin. I did not know the full prestigious history of Lucius and the Malfoy name, only that Lucius was the most handsome guy in Slytherin and charming to the hilt. He was my date to all school balls and he treated me well. I myself was a trophy daughter from a well-to-do wizarding family, kept a short while and married off as quickly as possible. He paid unnervingly close attention to me, and by the time he'd left Hogwarts, he had a profession (of which I wouldn't know until a year after our marriage) and proposed to me. My parents were happy, probably more relieved to have me married and out of the family home. Marriage was scary at first, I could not rely on my parents anymore, I had another to take care of me. He did, and almost treated me like his most prized possesion. For the first year of our marriage, I said nothing, and he didn't seem to see my coldness, and the fact that I did not want him to touch me. Sometimes, I thought he didn't even care.  
  
On our first anniversary, he presented me with two gifts: one was a pure white rose and a key, the other a set of divorce papers. I was speechless with tears. He calmly explained as I sobbed that he was aware I was unhappy in my new life, and that I was either free to go, or I could stay and we could work our problems out together. He made it clear he didn't want me to go, but if I stayed, it would be for life. Not knowing the depth of his words, I took the key and the rose. His father had recently died, and the key was to the Malfoy mansion, now ours. The key would also unlock other secrets to the Malfoy name, as Lucius entrusted me with more secrets and information.  
  
There was his studies, where books on the deepest secrets of dark magic were kept. The closet, where his death eater robes were kept. And many more which I didn't know of. Naturally, Lucius never failed to treat me like royalty. I was free to do whatever I wanted, as long as it was fine with him. This was fine with me at first, but after a few years it began to wear thin. We had a fight over this, just the one time. It has been the only time I've seen a different side to Lucius. I had stormed out his office, yelling, he coming after me in a calm fashion. Wordlessly, he'd wrapped his hand around my long hair and dragged me to our bedroom. He threw me into a chair in the corner and sat down by the window. Still no words were spoken. I still don't know whether what I did was out of fear or love, but I crawled to him and sobbed an apology. He didn't look smug at all when he took me in his arms and held me, speaking as if I was a child. I guessed it was his way of expressing his way of love to me.  
  
That next year, we went to his holiday house for our anniversary. Again, he presented me with two gifts: a key and a ring, engraved with the inscription 'To the Lady I'll love forever'. I knew that I could not divorce him now, but he would give me a house in the secluded mountains if I wanted to leave. I was stiff with shock as he left the gifts and walked outside. I'll never know what he thought then. You don't ask questions of Lucius. He takes cares of me and loves me in his own way. He goes out of his way to give me everything. I still think that I'm somewhat scared of him and awkwardness comes over me when I'm near him. I took the ring after much thought, and went outside, to him. Pushing away my fears, I wrapped my arms around him and we held each other. He looked at me differently, with warmth, and we made love on the beach that night. I finally was happy.  
  
The happiness lasted only a fleeting moment. Back in the mansion, I would frequently contemplate the ring on my finger, and feel hot tears stinging my eyes. I now wanted a family. He found me crying in our bedroom one night, and showing his true colours, sat down with me and held me as I spilled my unhappiness, my fear of him and my desire to begin a family. He did not react angrily, but rocked me to sleep. When I awoke, I was still in his arms and feeling safe, I dozed off again.  
  
He did not say anything weeks afterwards, but sent me to a doctor. I kept my mouth shut and allowed the doctor to do testing and surgery a week after that. Months later, the doctor announced that I was fertile and ready to have children. I'm still not sure what sort of tests or potions the doctor injected me with, but as usual, I held my tongue. I always felt afraid to touch Lucius. He would approach me and I would do the wifely thing. It was always quiet when we made love. He was an attentive and gentle lover. Afterwards, I would shake and he would hold me. I think he was aware that I shook out of fear. After all that he'd done, I still feared him. He was one of the chief henchmen of the most evil wizard in the world, he murdered innocent muggles and cursed wizards to death. I would lie there, under his weight and try to forget this and concentrate on his love for me while I shook with fear for displeasing him.  
  
It came to something when I became pregnant. I told while we were lunching in his office. He was ecstatic. He jumped up, smiling, embracing me, telling me he loved me. This helped. It has been a difficult pregnancy, and Lucius has done everything in his power to make me comfortable. He stays up with me when I can't sleep, and walks with me in the gardens, but it doesn't help much. Our child is due in two months and I'm sitting here, exhausted and worn out.  
  
I do not worry about the pain of giving birth, what I will name our child, or the child's health. I worry about the child's future. I fear he will grow up in his father's image. I worry that he will not grow up learning life's lessons. He will grow up learning how to be his father, to murder innocents, to learn the unforgiveable curses, to join the allegience of the dark lord. I think of this constantly, but I never say a word to Lucius over it. I can't bring myself to do so.  
  
But sometimes I look at Lucius and think that I'm lucky to have a husband that loves me, takes care of me and will be with me forever. But I do not ignore what my husband also is: a murderer, and a servent to the dark lord. I see him coming into the room. I glance his way, but almost immediately look back to the snowy grounds outside. He is beautiful, but there will always be an underlying hideousness that will terrify me, and that our child will be the same. I will fight that happening to him, but my spirit has long been broken.  



End file.
